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However, as we have been on the road for a month, it's about time I started to tell you of the nights of debauchery, drug-fuelled orgies, and general madness that goes with a bunch of crazy rockers on tour. But before we get into all that, first things first... The tour... and on to the boring bit I suppose... Me. As I write at you, dear reader, you may or may not be aware, that is only due my supreme inner (or should that read in ear) strengths that we are playing at all, as I have in fact, done something that is a musicians nightmare. I was in the dressing room at Carlisle, putting a Q-tip in my lughole to get the wax out, and left it in by mistake. I tousled my hair, and whacked the Q-tip through into my eardrum, where it decided to hurt like mad, and deafen me in one ear, which I am now. It could happen to anyone, but it had to be me... I have in fact perforated my eardrum, and believe me, it's a big worry. I can't hear about 80 percent of things said on the right of me, and have the in-ear monitors inserted but not turned on during the show, as I don't want to overwork the other ear, I'm told it'll heal up, but of course the Gomorr has been taking the piss on stage, allegedly, as I can't hear a thing he's saying! Oh well, should be OK by the end of the tour... where was I? Bremen, Pier 1. On the way to Germany, with Andrew, it's quite a daunting task to be thinking there's just the 52 shows until the end of the tour when you haven't done 1! However it was the first result for us, as the others had decided to go by road. Just the 26 hours, in horrendous traffic, just the 4 for me and AB, good start... Gig at Bremen... New set, new stage set, set not right, stage set brilliant, until we went on it in the regulation blue. I thought it looked like we'd turned up at the wrong party, and indeed, we all agreed it wasn't right to sport the blue 501 Levis on this stage. So what did we do? In a complete break with tradition, we bought black 501 Levis Would you believe we were all a little nervous about doing it, but I think it looks well class. The German shows were quite tough on the travelling front. Lots of rippers, starting from Bremen, which for a first show was allright, albeit a little duff, the set didn't flow properly, but we agreed to give it a few days, new songs went well. Pier 2, the gig looks decidedly funky from the audience side of the stage, and backstage is decidedly ugly, poxy little dressing rooms, and worst of all, do you know what they did? Unforgivable in my book. They didn't take out all the mauve smarties of the box in the dressing room! ...still, as professionals, we were able to rise above it. 2500 satisfied customers (I think), and not all by me (arf arf), later, it was on for the ripper to Offenbach. Two Welsh blokes who lived there talking. "I'm often back in Offenbach, bach, backing Burt Bacharach, bach (cont'd p94). I made that up, you'd never know... Offenbach, I'm often back in (cue shepherd's crook around my neck pulling me away from laptop), I'm a frequent visitor, is that better? We were actually here when Jeffrey Dennis left the band, however this time we're staying in old slaughterhouse, charmed I'm sure... Still sporting the blue at this stage by the way, v. sweaty gig, the Germans, plus a few Brits, and the Dutch Nutters, the problem regarding the set seems to be Burning Bridges at the beginning of the show, but then on to Berlin, another ripper, talk about in at the deep end, this time a 9 hour one, and loads of snow. By the way, as we speak, Rick is inspecting his collection of undergarments which have been thrown at him during shows. He definitely prefers the ladies pairs... The official word from the right reverend Rock Parfait is "Lovely!" More of the same, please. Berlin, hot in a big way, quite club type gig, this time nice backstage, great we were, got 'Who's that Girl' again as special guests, moved up the bill, they were supporting last time, but hey, that's show business... hi dude and dudette.. Day off in Essen, I went to my sister in laws in Paderborn for the day off, only telling you 'cos as I returned to Essen, walking along, Police jump out of car by me. Shout in German something I don't understand. I give the standard Brit abroad response, "Sorry, I don't speak German" Policeman immediately says in great English, "please stand still, and then open your suitcase" In England, you'd probably call it a breach of your civil liberties, I call it sleeping better in your bed, knowing that the old bill are keeping an eye on things. If you get the ache about being stopped (as long is not with a racist agenda) then you got things to hide, rant over. Next... Essen, great gig. I think that's where we wore black for the first time. 4500 billy in a real pukka venue. Changed bridges for the blunderer, and, much as I didn't want to do it, it did seem to work well, yet another ripper, this time to Munich, town of towns in Germany for me, I love it. In fact Bavaria is really cool, man... 
The gig was oversold by 400, it holds 2200, and we had 2600 in, low ceiling with heating pipes running all over the venue it was one of the hottest, most shitty sounding, in your face gigs we've done in years. Francis just hated it, Rick had a shit sound, and hated it. I LOVED IT! I do like to rock, perhaps it just makes a bit more edgy when you can't quite get a grip of the whole thing and makes a change, something a little bit different from the norm, then again maybe I just don't want to grow up. We actually stayed in Munich that night, 'cos I remember writing a tour log from there when I wasn't drinking. SOD THAT! Bottles of wine c/o me, anytime anyplace if you please...
Big travel day next, 3 hours to Stuttgart, nearly the end of Germany, again. I do love it here, once you take the people for how they are, in terms of what some might call coldness ( which is in fact bollocks), they are lovely, and I'd have no trouble moving there, in fact, in a different life, I probably would have. Thrilling that wasn't it? Hot Stuttgart gig, not a lot to remember, except that lovely looking girl in front of me, phwoar! (straight out of Viz, that one!). 8 hours on bus afterwards, to Osnabruck, where I was able to take the opportunity to purchase jeans at half price from the Jeans Fritz chain of stores, this offer currently available at one of our, I mean their stores all over Germany. Right, can I have me 30 euros now? You know, I'm saving... We actually gigged in Ensdetten, about an hour away, small town, a hall that doubles as everything, sport hall, concerts etc, our two biggest German fans were there, a mum and daughter I was told, although I'd have had them down as sisters, they know how to Rarck, I'd have had them as sisters or mother and sister, dirty old git. ain't I ? Loverly! I was, of course, gonna tell you about our nights of debauchery, drug-fuelled orgies etc, but after all that loging I've run out of time, so it'll have to wait 'till later... this only leaves me 25 other shows to do. I shall return, and forthwith...Chhhooooossss!!! 
Edwards, PS. Thanks Germany. You really do know how to party, Yeah, yeah, yeah (© R****'* R******1873) PPS. I am now 49 and a half. Bollocks!
Photo of Rick and Francis by Barry Colquhoun. Fashion victims and other interested parties please note that the fab grey Quo hoody sported by the man himself in the above pics is available from the merchandising stand on the current (2002) UK tour. |
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